A small step forward

Today I took a big step. The biggest step. The hardest step. Something I’ve been fearing for the longest while.

I opened the door and stepped outside. For you this might not be a problem. But with anxiety and depression somethings the pain is so crippling sometimes I can’t leave my bed. I’m glued to the sofa I don’t wanna talk to anyone. I don’t want to see anyone and alI want to do is lock myself inside. The cloak of darkness is suffocating its a cold, lonely place. I took a step forward today, a small step. I ran and walked half a lap of my local park the air was cold, but it was fresh, refreshing even. I felt like crying the whole way, I couldn’t breathe. But I didn’t have a panic attack. I took a step. A big step. Sometimes a smile is full or joy sometimes a smile is fighting back fear or sorrow. Today my smile is a smile of gratitude.

Gratitude I could open my door even though everything was willing me to stay inside. Gratitude that I could put one foot in front of the other and one step turned to a run even though it hurt. Gratitude for signing up for red January so that instead of regret of signing up and feeling like I couldn’t complete the program. Today I took my first step forward. God is good.

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